The early bird catches the worm (and makes grandma fly home from Mexico!)

Some women cry after having their babies. Others say something profound, like, "Now I know what real love feels like," or, "I feel complete." Yes, friends, I have watched way too many episodes of TLC's A Baby Story. But me? What did I say after meeting my son? Well, after I got to hold him and all the baby/ mama doctors were done doing their thing, my profound words of wisdom were, "Wow. That was so weird." 


And you know what? It was so weird. The whole thing. Let's rewind to September 17, shall we? For about a week beforehand, I had been feeling kind of odd. I kept telling B (or "dada" as he is affectionately now known) that I thought E was slowly chipping away in there, Shawshank Redemption style. I had said this to my midwives, too, but they kept assuring me that there was "no way" that I would go early because I was a first time mom. So, I assured my mom (who was leaving for a weeklong trip to Mexico on September 17) that everything was fine and that she should go and drink some margaritas for me. 


As my mom took off that day, B and I got ready for his family to come over for a little pre-baby party. I kind of put the whole labor thing out of my mind. B's family even asked me when I thought I'd have the baby, and I think I said October 10 (my due date was October 8). Looking back, perhaps I should've seen my need to make all the party food from scratch as a sign of nesting?

B & I hanging out with family & our pups never knowing Mr. E was busy plotting his escape.

Everyone went home, and B and I cleaned up and then took our weekly pictures: 

Then we went to bed. Around 2:45am I woke up thought, "Hmm, that's weird." Had my water broken? No, it couldn't be. Hadn't everyone just told me there was no way this could happen? It took me a good hour to decide to call the dr's office (B and Sadie dog slept through all of this, btw). I found out that Carolyn, my favorite midwife, was on call (yay!). She said to meet her at the hospital around 7:30 the next morning so we could check everything out. I started think I might be having contractions the next morning, but I wasn't quite sure so I took my sweet time getting to the hospital. When B and I rolled in eating bagels around 8:30, I still wasn't sure this was the real deal. Carolyn quickly told me that yes, my water had broken and no, I wasn't going anywhere because I was also 4cm dilated already! 


My reply? "Oh no, my mom is going to kill me!" I called B's mom and told her we were in the hospital ("Really? Why?" she asked. See? No one was expecting this.). I talked her into calling my mom in Mexico, who reportedly freaked out but within reason (go mom!). 

Meanwhile, labor was starting to get WAY less fun. I had decided to go as long as I could without pain meds. To be clear, I wasn't trying to be a hero here. I just really like my spinal column the way it is and would prefer to not have it punctured, thank you very much.

For those of you who have never had contractions before, they are like nothing else. Don't bother trying to figure out what they're going to be like beforehand because you can't. They very intensely and completely take over your body and then all of a sudden they're gone and you basically feel fine. Weird, right?

After awhile of this up and down, I felt like I wasn't sure if I'd make it or not. Then they checked me and said I only had 2 cm to go, so I decided to tough it out. By about one hour into the whole 2+ hour pushing process, I definitely regretted this. Right before E was born I was thinking, "Wow, I hope he doesn't mind being an only child because there is NO WAY I'm doing this again!"

But then, out he came. I saw his scrunchy face, his little conehead and his cleft chin and it was all worth it. Literally 5 minutes later I was like, "Aw, that wasn't so bad. I guess I could do it again..." :) E was born on September 18, 2011 at 3:55pm. He was a 5lbs 15 oz, 19 inch long miracle baby. We were so happy he decided to come out 3 weeks early and get this party started!

I love this picture because you can see his little hand on the side of the scale. Always exploring!

The mama I never thought I'd be- A reflection on crappy doctors and self-doubt

Growing up, I always knew I wanted to be a mom. I went through a phase where I was obsessed with babies, tried to wrangle my friends into starting a real life version of The Babysitters' Club, and shamelessly asked to play with/ hold/ temporarily steal any baby in sight so I could hone my mommy skills. Then I got a little older and my inquisitiveness and confidence in asking for what I wanted started to be replaced by insecurity and an overwhelming need to just fly under the radar. I developed a weird phobia of holding babies lest they cry in my arms and (gasp!) draw attention to me. I didn't want people staring at me and saying, "Gee, what did you do to that baby?" or thinking that the baby didn't like me.

Like all weird phobias, this one evolved as I got older. Not only did I avoid holding babies, I avoided admitting that I wanted to have babies of my own. I guess deep down I was always afraid that I wouldn't be able to a) have a baby and b) be good at raising it. Being a bit of a checklist-obsessed person, I didn't want to publicly put something that huge, that amazing and (most importantly) that uncontrollable on my lifetime checklist just in case I wasn't able to promptly check it off.

Slowly I began to think more and more about becoming a mom. Meeting and marrying an amazing person definitely helped in this department. Even though I still didn't totally believe in myself, I believed in him and I knew he would fill in any of the parenting blanks I might leave. Plus, he's super cool, super cute and also very laid back, so why wouldn't I want to create a little creature that was half him :) ?

Decision made, we added "Build a family" to our private checklist. Since all my life I've had teachers, parents and random old people in the grocery store tell me how easy it would be to get pregnant if I let my guard down for one second, I really didn't think it would be that hard. So we waited.... and waited... and waited. And my self-doubt grew and grew and grew. I'm a definite "signs" person, so I took all this failure as a sign that maybe I wouldn't really be good enough to be a mama. Maybe the universe was saving my poor little future baby from me messing him/ her/ it up. I wanted to pat myself on the back for not publicly admitting we wanted to have a baby because if we couldn't then I could pretend that I hadn't wanted a baby in the first place. The fact that no one knew we were failing was supposed to make it easier... right?

Well, wrong. It didn't make it any easier because I still knew what I wanted. As much as I tried to deny it and pretend like maybe my little zygote would be better off without me, I still wanted it. Really badly. So, I went to the doctor and tried to get some guidance on what to do. His only answer (and one that he repeated many, many times) was that I should go on medication. Let us just note that I don't even take Tylenol if I can avoid it because I consider it cheating. When I said I wanted to try other things first he said, "Well, I guess you don't really want to get pregnant then." Um, excuse me?!? Not cool, doctor man, not cool. Don't mess with a pre-mama and her pre-babies.

This stupid remark did two things. 1) It made me want to punch the good doctor in the nose. 2) It made me realize that I wasn't afraid to admit that yes, I did want to be a mom, thank you very much and  NOTHING was going to stop me. So there. After this I "went public" with our desire to start a family. And guess what? Apparently my eggs were listening to that doctor and, being stubborn and determined like their mama, they decided they would show him. Mr. E was made about a week later.

If you look closely, I think you can see the "stubborn" section of his brain lighting up.

One of the coolest parts about becoming a mama is how it has brought back some of the pieces of my child-self that I have missed. When it comes to my baby, I'm not afraid of making waves or getting noticed. I don't want to fly under the radar. And to be a good mama I've realized that I have to be honest with myself, figure out what I really want and then go for it. I'm allowed to put things on my checklist, cross them off or even just leave them on there for awhile without accomplishing them (pure insanity, list lovers, I know). And that doesn't make me a failure- it makes me a more open, honest, realistic person. It makes me a better mom, and that, my friends, is the number one thing on my checklist right now. I don't know if being a good mom is something you can ever really "check off", but I am certainly enjoying working on it.

~ love my boys ~

Breastfeeding problems & solutions- crazy baby :)

Oh, E. I love you, but you are a crazy, crazy little man. As I've said before, we had EVERY problem in the breastfeeding book. To be fair, the problems were pretty evenly split between me and E, so we both had to learn to deal with each other's issues. Foreshadowing for the rest of our lives together, perhaps :)? Here are some of the challenges my crazy, lovable baby presented me with:

- Sleepy baby: Mr. E was quite the sleepy little fellow when he was first born. A combo of coming 3 weeks early and being jaundiced really knocked him out. We did EVERYTHING to keep him awake, including (but not limited to): feeding him in a diaper only; applying a cold, wet washcloth to his body; tickling his feet; stroking his cheek, head, belly, neck, etc; changing his diaper in the middle of the feed. Eventually, the sleepy little monster woke up, and then we had…

- Super hungry baby: As in ravenous, I will scream bloody murder if you remove the boob from my mouth hungry. He continued to be like that until we introduced solids at 6 months, so here are the solutions I dreamed up. Number one, I tried to realize that if he was growing appropriately and wasn't losing weight or turning into the State Puff Marshmallow Baby, there was really no need to try to follow any food consumption schedule but his own. Number two, if I’d given him adequate time on both sides (generally a combined max time of about 30 minutes once he had gotten the hang of it), I tried to take a little break after feeding even if he was “complaining” about it. Sometimes babies just want to suck for comfort even if they’re already full, which is fine. Some people choose to let them keep sucking and others try the pacifier. Either works. Don’t worry too much about overfeeding your breastfed baby because it’s not really possible. Babies remedy that problem by puking all over you, your carpet and your couch when overfilled.

- Psycho clawing raptor baby: Ah, this was my favorite. Since E was a “super hungry baby” but also had a bad latch, he’d work himself into a craze when the milk didn’t come fast enough. He’d literally writhe around and scratch my chest with his little, supersharp raptor claws. The only thing that helped was repeating, “I will be patient. My baby is not trying to rip me to shreds,” to myself over and over again AND swaddling him to contain his arms and calm him down a bit. I’ve heard other people sometimes pump a little to get everything flowing faster, or you could try massaging to increase the flow.

- Choking milk-covered baby: Once E moved out of his psycho clawing raptor baby stage, he decided my flow was too strong and became a choking milk-covered baby. This really isn’t a big deal, although it can make you feel kind of bad for drowning your baby in breastmilk. If the flow is too fast or if your letdown is too strong, just take the baby off for a second, and as you’re patting his back and he’s spitting milk all over you, press a cloth to the breast to slow the flow. It slows significantly after a minute or so, and your baby will get better at handling it as he gets older and better at eating. 

Oh, E, I love you. What challenges will you dream up for me next?

Breastfeeding Problems & Solutions- Milk Production

Okay, so you've figured out the latching issue. You're getting used to feeding your little one all the time. You have a profound new respect for mama cows. There can't be any more... right?

Well, just a little. Here are just a few more issues you can have as you, your body and your baby learn how to rock this whole breastfeeding thing.

- Overproduction

This happens a lot, especially in the beginning. This can lead to engorgement (aka rock hard porn star boobs without the sex appeal). I dealt with this in two ways. First, I used the diaper ice packs I talked about making in my breastfeeding prep post. Second, I would pump just a little bit (basically, just enough to allay my fear that they might actually explode). If you pump just a little, your body will figure out that it’s making too much for that time of day and tone it down a bit. Your body is pretty smart, so it only takes a few days for it to get it right.  If you pump it all, which can be very tempting, your body will convince itself that you have birthed a litter of six that it has to feed and make even more milk. See the problem?

- Underproduction

This also happens a lot, especially in the beginning and during growth spurts when the baby eats more. Your baby will generally take care of this naturally by sucking more to stimulate increased milk production. However, if you have a sleepy baby (like I did), or a baby with a latching problem (like I did), you’ll have to rely on your old friend the breast pump to help you out.
Here's the basic idea: empty breasts produce milk much faster than full or semi-full breasts do. To increase milk production, you need to empty your breasts as completely as possible and then keep the sucking action going to tell your body to make even more. When you're pumping, you can do this by letting the pump run a few minutes after your milk stops flowing. If your baby is taking care of it, you'll notice that he wants to eat more often or is sucking for longer. Again, your body is smart, so usually it will catch up to your baby's need after a day or two. Avoid the temptation to supplement with formula or  stored breastmilk. If you do, your body might not get the message that your baby needs more milk, so it won't increase its production and you'll be stuck supplementing.

- Hindmilk/foremilk imbalance

Foremilk is the milk that comes out first. It’s thinner, more liquidy and has less fat, so it’s great for satisfying your baby’s thirst. Hindmilk comes out later in the feed. It is thicker and has more fat so it’s good for satisfying your baby’s hunger, keeping him full longer and helping him gain weight. Sometimes, there is an imbalance and your baby gets more foremilk than hindmilk. Some people say this can lead to fussiness and more gas because there’s more lactose in foremilk than hindmilk. It can also lead to some lovely green poop. Also, if your baby fills up on foremilk, he might not get enough of the fatty hindmilk, causing him to be hungry more often and possibly not gain enough weight. As far as I can tell, there's no way to alter the foremilk to hindmilk ratio. However, you can maximize the amount of hindmilk your baby receives by making sure to give enough time on each breast. All the boob experts that I have been to have said to “let the baby finish the first side first”, or treat the first side as the main course and only offer the second one kind of as dessert. Do this instead of watching the clock and trying to get equal time on each side and you should be good.  

 

Breastfeeding Problems & Solutions- Latching

Improper latch is probably one of the most common problems that we mamas have to learn to deal with, especially in the beginning. In my opinion, it's also probably one of the biggest reasons people jump off the breastfeeding bandwagon (most likely clutching their boobs and screaming, I might add). If your baby isn't connected correctly, you will most likely be in pain and your baby might not be nursing efficiently or effectively.

If your baby is latched correctly, your nipple should come out looking pretty much the same way it went in. If it comes out and looks compressed or mangled in some way, chances are your baby has a latch issue. 

Here are some common latching issues:

- Shallow latch: No fun, no fun at all. Basically, if you don’t get a deep enough latch, your nipple gets smashed against your baby’s hard pallet or gum ridge. This causes PAIN and damage. Since bleeding nipples are never fun, make sure to get the little one to open really wide and literally shove the boob in there. Sounds weird, but you have to be speedy with these little guys. 

- The gummy latch: This is what happens when your little one decides not to flip his lips out like a fish and chooses instead to roll them under and try to gum you to death (like E did). If this happens, just stick your finger in there and flip the lips open. 

Some suggestions for fixing latch problems:

- Speaking of sticking your fingers in there… Don’t be afraid to latch and relatch until you get it right. It’s a learning process for everyone, and it helps no one to just grit your teeth and sit there through a bad latch. You can unlatch your baby by sticking your pinky in toward the corner of the baby’s mouth and gently pulling back and up to break the suction. I always pushed in on me first and then pulled back and up to avoid scratching him with my nail. If you don’t break the latch before trying to yank the baby off, the baby will likely not let go, leading to a disturbing, painful Gumby situation that you and your nipple won’t soon forget.

- Sometimes, latch problems can be due to issues with tight frenulums (frenula? frenulae? I don't know- whatever the plural of frenulum is). You have a frenulum at the bottom of your mouth that connects your tongue to the bottom of your mouth and one at the top that connects your top lip to your gum line. If either is tight or too short, it makes it very difficult for the baby to open wide enough to latch properly. When a baby has a short bottom frenulum, she is said to be tongue-tied. This can usually be fixed with a quick, relatively painless surgery. I had it done at age 5, so I actually remember the experience and promise you it will be harder on the mama than the baby. Kellymom.com has lots of information on tongue-ties and breastfeeding. Check it out!

I hope I haven't freaked you out too much with all this information. Hopefully, you won't experience these issues, or if you do you will be able to correct them quickly. If breastfeeding is something you believe is essential to your parenting, there is almost no issue that can't be corrected or circumvented. So hang in there, stock up on gel pads and cream and have faith. You can do it!

Getting started - breastfeeding basics

Welcome to the wonderful world of breastfeeding! I admit there is a bit of sarcasm dripping off those typed words - using your body to feed another human is really, REALLY hard work and it's not always wonderful. There won't always be sunshine and butterflies surrounding you as you lovingly gaze down at your precious, rosy-cheeked infant (who is latched perfectly and feeding calmly, of course!). Your baby will never say thank you for enduring all the sacrifices and struggles that can come along with breastfeeding. But guess what? For so many people (including myself) it is completely and totally worth it. 

Here are some basic ideas to keep in mind during those first crazy days/weeks/months:

- Hello, mommy milk machine!

Welcome to your new job: mommy milk machine! You will feed your baby allllll the time. Babies have to eat every two hours, and sadly for us this means two hours from the beginning of the feed. Add this to the fact that your little critter might take 45 minutes to eat, and you can see that feeding will be your primary job for at least a month or two. Learn to ignore things like clutter and laundry, or pay or bribe someone else to take care of it for you. This was really hard for me, but you just have to accept it as yet another change that has come your way.

- Positioning

Your baby’s ear, shoulder & hip should be aligned and you should be lined up with your baby belly to belly. Pick somewhere comfortable to sit that has a lot of back support (eg: a rocking chair, against the bed headboard). To minimize neck and back pain, bring the baby to you instead of leaning over to the baby. Also, support your arms in some way (pillows, Boppy, chair with arms). My wrists were KILLING me after only a few days of breastfeeding because I tried to support the weight of his little noggin in my hands only.

- Latch

There are lots of good resources on the web to show you how to latch your baby properly. The keys to a good latch are making sure the baby’s mouth is open wide, your breast is inserted far into his mouth, his lips are flipped up and his chin and nose are touching the breast. Someone told me it should look like a fish kissing a wall. Hey, whatever image floats your boat. 

Here's a good video from ameda.com showing a proper latch. Just beware that if you're having trouble, the babies shown would definitely earn those A+ Breastfeeder stickers I talked about earlier. Resist the urge to throw something and try to learn from them instead :). 

Kellymom.com is one of my favorite breastfeeding websites because it presents so much information without being pushy or preachy. Check out What is Normal? to see some good articles on common concerns during breastfeeding.

Breastfeeding prep - oh, the stuff you will need!

As you read these breastfeeding posts, you will probably think to yourself, “Why is this girl telling me this? Doesn’t she have any boundaries?” The answer, my friends, is no. I no longer have boundaries. And guess what?  If you're planning on breastfeeding or even just becoming a mom in general, pretty soon, neither will you.

Seriously, though, I wanted to put this together because I had so many questions about breastfeeding and really had few people to ask. I ended up spending hours researching on the internet and I wanted to save you from a similar fate. There is no way I could write down everything that I’ve learned, so if you have any questions along the way, just email me (teachlearnmama@gmail.com). E and I will gladly help you through whatever may come your way. 

So, let's get started. When I first contemplated breastfeeding I remember thinking, "Yay! I have boobs, my baby will have a mouth, so we're all set!" Being the cheapest person alive, the prospect of not having to buy anything to feed Mr. E made me happy to the point of giddiness. Well, then reality hit and I realized that I did actually need some "stuff" to make this happen. 

Here are a few things that I bought or made to help us through the process. If you think I missed anything, let me know!

- Nursing bras: no underwire; my favorite “at home” bras are Lamaze sleep bras (I got them on amazon.com)

- Nursing tank tops (or any tank top w/ built in bra)- great for bed

- Lansinoh cream

- Gel pads (TIP: keep these away from your pets. Our dog ate one, which led to us having to call Poison Control. Apparently as long as they pierce the outer membrane and rip it into tiny enough pieces they'll be fine, but don't chance it!)

- Nursing pads

- Boppy (although I didn’t use it much & it’s good to get used to feeding without it unless you intend to drag it with you everywhere you go!)

- Nursing cover up (long/wide scarves also work great for this)

- Bibs (for some reason it didn’t really occur to me that he would need one while breastfeeding, but in the beginning it can get pretty messy, which can lead to your little one making cheese in those cute, chubby little folds of his neck)

- Diaper ice packs: Soak a (clean!) newborn diaper in water. Pop it in the freezer and voila! You have reusable ice packs that are just the right size to stick into those super attractive nursing bras you’ll soon be wearing.

If you're planning on pumping, you will also need:

- Breast pump, containers, etc (usually sold as a set)

- Disposable bags for freezing/ storing milk

- Pumping bra for hands-free pumping (or make your own out of an old sports bra by cutting holes for the pump parts to fit through- super sexy)

- Bottles (more on this in another post)

Whew, that sounds like a lot. Thankfully for us cheap mamas, most of this stuff is pretty inexpensive. You can even rent pumps if you don't feel like plunking down hundreds of dollars for one. Let the feeding begin!

Intro to breastfeeding- my first mama lesson

One of the first things I had to learn as a new mama was how to breastfeed my baby. Apparently, it was my job to transform this teeny, tiny, wiggly, kind of scary-looking little creature into a strong, healthy boy. And all I was allowed to use were my boobs. Hmmm...

Before I actually had E, I always thought I'd be totally Earth-mama natural about birth and breastfeeding. I went to a La Leche League meeting (that will be a story for another day) and watched videos online of babies literally crawling up to breastfeed after birth. I guess I kind of assumed that if I believed it could happen and really, really wanted it to, I would produce a child who would earn the admiration of all the nurses. They'd applaud his ability and promptly place a sticker saying, "A+ breastfeeder" on his chart (ah, the teacher in me comes out again!).

Well, things didn't quite work out that way. In spite of my wholehearted belief in the wonders of breastfeeding, I produced a jaundiced, skinny little man with a bad latch. If they did have breastfeeding stickers, his would've said, "Keep trying!". Ugh. We encountered just about every breastfeeding problem in the book. Needless to say, I had a LOT of learning to do when it came to breastfeeding.

Bad for me, good for you! Check back soon for snapshots of (many!) lessons learned on latching, diet during breastfeeding, solving common problems, pumping, storing milk, etc. Any comments, suggestions, or additional lessons learned are greatly appreciated!

E at the beginning of his breastfeeding career....

... and 6 months later. Safe to say he got the hang of it, huh?

Hi! I'm Kristyn. Yeah, I'm in mothering...

When I was in graduate school, simultaneously blundering my way through my first year of teaching (in a high-needs, inner city school in the Bronx, no less), my colleagues and fellow students were sitting around trying to pin down why exactly it was so hard, so all-consuming to be a teacher. Why couldn't we just put in our time, leave at 3:30 and never look back?

"It's because it's not like any other profession," my friend said. "Other people say, 'I'm in banking.' But what teacher do you know who says, 'I'm in teaching'?  No one. It's too big for that. It's like being a mom. No one says, 'I do mothering,' or, 'Yeah, I'm in mothering.' We say, 'I'm a mom. I'm a teacher,' because being a mom or a teacher is so much bigger than just doing a job."

When I became a mom to an amazing little boy this September (of course my mama job started in September, just like my teacher job would have!), I honestly was kind of lost for awhile. Being a mom was more than I thought it would be in every way possible. I was more tired, more emotional, more thankful, more confused (did I really volunteer to get 1 hour of sleep and be a slave to a 6lb creature?!?) and more completely in love than I could have ever imagined. The job of being a mama consumed me completely, much in the way that becoming a teacher had in the beginning. Like being a teacher, being a mom is too important to just be a job that you do- it's something you become.

As I tried to get a handle on everything, I realized I was looking to my teacher self for help. I found the only way I could keep some semblance of sanity while E was crying whenever my super jiggling/rocking/bouncing slowed slightly was to think of he and I as teachers and learners. Even though I often wanted to cry and sometimes started counting the hours until "dada" came home a whopping 5 minutes after he left, it made me feel better to think that not a day went by that E didn't teach me something and vice versa. I was teaching him how to do things like sleep without bonking himself in the face and he was teaching me how to ask for help (a big one for me!) and do everything one-handed.  Slowly, sometimes painfully, we were becoming better people because we were both constantly teaching and learning.

I am a little bit of a worrier (okay, a lot a bit), and having the responsibility of ultimately producing an adult who was intelligent, caring and not a serial killer was kind of too much for me ("All serial killers have moms," I soberly informed my friend as I peered skeptically at 2-week-old E sleeping in his stroller). Thinking of E and I as teachers and learners gave me a game plan for how to approach this task. I started to look for developmental milestones and think up baby lesson plans to support his learning. I bought books, spent hours on the internet and, most importantly, tried to pull as much info out of my mom friends as possible. As I infused my teacher-self into my mama-self, I started finding more fun and intellectual stimulation in my mama duties (A diaper change? What an exceptional opportunity for midline-crossing activities!).

Everyone has their own approach to "mamaing". I am the best mama I can be when I approach it like a teacher. I decided to start this blog because I wanted to give and draw support from all sorts of other mamas. I want to teach what I've learned and learn what others can teach me. I hope we can all help each other be better teachers, learners and mamas.

So, here we go - teach, learn and mama on :).