Here are my 30 before 30 goals, in no particular order...
1. Run six 5k's (30k's... get it?), at least one with E.
2. Plant a garden.
3. Learn to sew.
4. Volunteer.
5. Ride a horse.
6. Have family or friends over once a month.
7. Commit 1 act of guerilla goodness per month.
8. Reconnect with old friends and family (Facebook doesn't count!).
9. Introduce myself to all of my new neighbors.
10. Make a 1 year album for E.
11. Buy a hammock. Try to relax in it.
12. Host a holiday celebration.
13. Dream up an original family tradition- the weirder, the better!
14. Learn how to use Photoshop.
15. Stop screening my phonecalls. What if it's Justin Bieber?
16. Try 10 new recipes (bonus points for using ingredients that scare me).
17. Write a children's book for E.
18. Make exercise a regular part of my life again.
19. Write inspiration letters (more on this later!)
20. Go on a family vacation.
21. Leave E with family overnight (dreading this- I might leave it until the last possible second before my birthday!)
22. Explore 10 new local "family attractions".
23. Decorate the new house (sorry, but if I don't put this on here, it won't get done!).
24. Make more mama & baby friends.
25. Have one new experience each week.
26. Get organized!
27. More DIY
28. Start or join a new group
29. Eat less processed food.
30. Get outside and play (aim for at least 30 minutes with E per day)
Monday, June 18, 2012
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Copycat!
"Teacher, she COPIED me!" If I had a dollar for every time some little darling came up to me and said that in the trademark high-octave kid whine, I would be a very rich lady. Most young children do not like to be copied- period- but as they get older, their feelings about being copied evolve to depend on the copiers. If they think the copier is cool, they will welcome and even aggressively court his copying efforts. Just think about how many social media outlets depend on people wanting to copy and be copied- Facebook, thousands of blogs and (my personal favorite) Pinterest. Anyway, thinking about how the world has embraced copying made me feel better about becoming a copycat myself. My very eloquent and witty friend Kristy over at 35tomatoes (not about tomatoes, FYI) made a list of 34 fun and interesting things she plans to do before turning 35. I plan on copying her by making a list of 30 things to do before I turn 30 in April. By the way, Kristy approved this in typical teacher style by saying, "Let's call it sharing." :)
Like most of my decisions since September, this was motivated by my little E-man. As a new mom, I find it extremely difficult to remember that E and I are actually two distinct people. I rarely do anything for myself outside of the occasional trip to the gym (which I have rationalized as being acceptable because it offers E a chance to socialize with his little gym girlfriend, Naomi). However, lately I've been thinking that I might need to become a richer person to be a better mom.
Anyone who knows me and my WalMart-shopping, clearance rack-cruising ways must think I've finally gone off the deep end. No worries- I'm not saying being richer in the monetary sense would make me a better mom (although I'm sure E would love it if I invested more money in toys for him to smash). What I mean is that I am starting to think I need to invest more time and effort in myself to meet my full mom potential. I want to be a mom who inspires my son to think deeply about how he wants to experience the world. I want to guide him as he grows so he can develop the confidence and skills to make those experiences happen. And more than anything, I want to guide him to this rich, full life by example, not words.
Now, how exactly am I going to inspire someone to live life fully by spending my days cleaning, Googling potential childhood maladies and micromanaging naptimes? I'm not. I need to get up off my mama hiney (yes, we use the word hiney around here now) and do something. Lots of somethings, actually. When I read Kristy's blog, her list of fun, life-enriching activities seemed like the perfect format to push me toward the fuller life I know I want. I LOVE lists- they help me clear my head, organize my thoughts and (most importantly) make me commit to any items I add to them. Perfect! 30 fun, enriching things before 30, here I come! Follow along and if you see things that you would like to do, let me know and we'll enjoy them together!
Thanks for the inspiration, Kristy. Being a copycat is fun :).
Like most of my decisions since September, this was motivated by my little E-man. As a new mom, I find it extremely difficult to remember that E and I are actually two distinct people. I rarely do anything for myself outside of the occasional trip to the gym (which I have rationalized as being acceptable because it offers E a chance to socialize with his little gym girlfriend, Naomi). However, lately I've been thinking that I might need to become a richer person to be a better mom.
Anyone who knows me and my WalMart-shopping, clearance rack-cruising ways must think I've finally gone off the deep end. No worries- I'm not saying being richer in the monetary sense would make me a better mom (although I'm sure E would love it if I invested more money in toys for him to smash). What I mean is that I am starting to think I need to invest more time and effort in myself to meet my full mom potential. I want to be a mom who inspires my son to think deeply about how he wants to experience the world. I want to guide him as he grows so he can develop the confidence and skills to make those experiences happen. And more than anything, I want to guide him to this rich, full life by example, not words.
 |
| Who wouldn't want to inspire this little man? |
Thanks for the inspiration, Kristy. Being a copycat is fun :).
Wednesday, June 6, 2012
Where's my owner's manual???
In the process of packing for our big move at the end of the month, I find it interesting how many owner's manuals I have unearthed. It seems like everything we have bought, no matter how seemingly simple to operate, has come with an owner's manual. Illustrations abound on how to attach your stroller wheels or insert the batteries to one of the many toys laying around our house. Can't figure it out, even when instructed in 5 languages? No problem- just call the 24 hour hotline.
Just one thing is missing- the owner's manual for my child. I mean, seriously, where is it? How is it that the most difficult task in the world- "operating" a child- doesn't come with some sort of manual? It's been a rough 3 weeks around here. E got his first cold, which threw us all for a loop. He also appears to be going through some sort of oh-my-gosh-my-mom-can-leave-me crisis that he has chosen to handle by using his tiny fingers to get my clothing/hair/nose in a death grip and screaming any time I look like I'm about to move away from him. According to The Wonder Weeks, my go-to "Why is my child turning into a crazy gremlin?" resource, E is entering "The World of Categories". The book gives me a lovely explanation of why this is happening, but what am I supposed to do about it? Where is my manual???
As a teacher, I prided myself on being kind and fun but strict. My classroom management style was one of defined boundaries and logical consequences. I tried to be very consistent and predictable so my kids knew what they could expect if their behavior didn't meet our set classroom expectations. I felt confident in my ability to help my students behave respectfully, reasonably and responsibly (shout out to my Stony Brook friends- yay for being star cubed!). It took me awhile to figure this out and every situation and student needed to be addressed somewhat differently, but there were books on classroom management to help me along the way.
I am having huge difficulties translating this system into a code of conduct for parenting a baby. How do you set boundaries for an 8 month old that doesn't understand English and doesn't have a good enough grasp on cause and effect to really get the meaning of consequences? When I try to set boundaries (no, you may not roll around like a crocodile while I'm trying to scrape poop off your body), E just laughs (or more likely screams) in my face. If he eventually understands that there are boundaries and that mommy will not back down on some things, I can keep doing this. As much as it's driving me insane at the moment, I will keep patiently but firmly doing my, "E, no no" speech as he flops around and screams like a banshee after I thwart his attempts to jump in the slippery bathtub. But how do I know I'm doing this the right way? Again, where is my manual for this parenting thing???
This post is not going to wrap up neatly because I haven't made it through this phase alive yet. While I'm here, stuck in the trenches waiting for some super mom to write a parenting manual with step by step directions on how to raise a kind, well-adjusted, respectful child (complete with a 24-hour advice hotline), I'm calling out to the mamas out there. Advice, offers of babysitting, bottles of wine... all are appreciated (and really, really needed). Let's do this. Ready? Go!
Just one thing is missing- the owner's manual for my child. I mean, seriously, where is it? How is it that the most difficult task in the world- "operating" a child- doesn't come with some sort of manual? It's been a rough 3 weeks around here. E got his first cold, which threw us all for a loop. He also appears to be going through some sort of oh-my-gosh-my-mom-can-leave-me crisis that he has chosen to handle by using his tiny fingers to get my clothing/hair/nose in a death grip and screaming any time I look like I'm about to move away from him. According to The Wonder Weeks, my go-to "Why is my child turning into a crazy gremlin?" resource, E is entering "The World of Categories". The book gives me a lovely explanation of why this is happening, but what am I supposed to do about it? Where is my manual???
As a teacher, I prided myself on being kind and fun but strict. My classroom management style was one of defined boundaries and logical consequences. I tried to be very consistent and predictable so my kids knew what they could expect if their behavior didn't meet our set classroom expectations. I felt confident in my ability to help my students behave respectfully, reasonably and responsibly (shout out to my Stony Brook friends- yay for being star cubed!). It took me awhile to figure this out and every situation and student needed to be addressed somewhat differently, but there were books on classroom management to help me along the way.
I am having huge difficulties translating this system into a code of conduct for parenting a baby. How do you set boundaries for an 8 month old that doesn't understand English and doesn't have a good enough grasp on cause and effect to really get the meaning of consequences? When I try to set boundaries (no, you may not roll around like a crocodile while I'm trying to scrape poop off your body), E just laughs (or more likely screams) in my face. If he eventually understands that there are boundaries and that mommy will not back down on some things, I can keep doing this. As much as it's driving me insane at the moment, I will keep patiently but firmly doing my, "E, no no" speech as he flops around and screams like a banshee after I thwart his attempts to jump in the slippery bathtub. But how do I know I'm doing this the right way? Again, where is my manual for this parenting thing???
 | |
|
 |
| Good thing you're cute, Mr. E! |
Monday, June 4, 2012
Book recommendation: The Wonder Weeks
If you've read my posts, you know that I have chosen to approach motherhood as the ultimate teaching/ learning experience. This approach has helped me, an elementary school teacher, maintain my sanity during the hard times and be even more in awe of my little bugger during the amazing times. Plus, I was a Child Development major in college and I am a total dork, so I like knowing what's going on in E's little (but hugely intelligent) brain.
Well, wouldn't you know- I found a book that fits perfectly with my dorky child development obsession. Apparently there are others out there just like me! I think I first heard of The Wonder Weeks when I was googling something like, "Is it normal if my baby ______?" You can fill in the blank with a variety of insane first-time mom concerns. Feel free to get creative, because I probably googled just about anything you could dream up. Anyway, after I heard of the book I immediately wanted to buy it, but I waited until I found it at a garage sale for $2 (see, I'm dorky AND cheap! No wonder B snapped me up off the singles market so quickly). I must say, this is by far the best $2 I have ever spent.
The authors of this book argue that babies make a series of developmental "leaps" throughout their first year and a half of life. They say that while each leap leads to something really cool and big for the little one (crawling, grasping the concept of object permanence, pulling up to stand, etc.), the journey to that big thing can be a bit bumpy. During the leap, babies display more crankiness, clinginess and crying than normal. Poor little guys are exhausted physically and mentally by trying to master this big world one little piece at a time.
The book is broken into 10 leaps. For each leap, the authors provide a description of what's happening, a checklist of common behaviors, ways it may affect you and ways to help your baby through the leap. The authors also provide a list of games to compliment each developmental leap. I'm always so surprised how well E responds to the games, and it's refreshing to add something new to our repertoire of go-to play activities every few weeks.
Well, wouldn't you know- I found a book that fits perfectly with my dorky child development obsession. Apparently there are others out there just like me! I think I first heard of The Wonder Weeks when I was googling something like, "Is it normal if my baby ______?" You can fill in the blank with a variety of insane first-time mom concerns. Feel free to get creative, because I probably googled just about anything you could dream up. Anyway, after I heard of the book I immediately wanted to buy it, but I waited until I found it at a garage sale for $2 (see, I'm dorky AND cheap! No wonder B snapped me up off the singles market so quickly). I must say, this is by far the best $2 I have ever spent.
 |
| www.thewonderweeks.com |
| Part of a handy chart to show you when your baby's "cloudy" aka mid-leap crazy kid times may fall. www.thewonderweeks.com |
The book is broken into 10 leaps. For each leap, the authors provide a description of what's happening, a checklist of common behaviors, ways it may affect you and ways to help your baby through the leap. The authors also provide a list of games to compliment each developmental leap. I'm always so surprised how well E responds to the games, and it's refreshing to add something new to our repertoire of go-to play activities every few weeks.
For example, The Wonder Weeks suggested I give E baskets of his own so he could explore the "world of relationships" during week 26. He LOVES dumping them out, although he doesn't really care to fill them back up. Oh, well- at least I've gained a willing laundry day helper!
Each section also includes quotes from parents whose babies are going through the phase. I love this feature because it generally makes me feel better about myself, in much the same way that watching an episode of Teen Mom does (if you haven't watched this yet, you should- go now). To be fair, most of the parent quotes are helpful and informative, but there are a few gems in there, let me tell you. My favorites include: "He'd been screaming so relentlessly that I suddenly shouted out angrily, 'Now shut up!' and walked away," and "When he cries in public I think to myself, 'Why don't you shut up you stupid kid!'" Hahaha.
So, if you're a psychology/ child development dork like me or if you're just searching for a reason your little angel has turned into a crazy person, check this book out! They also have a website and an iPhone app. Happy reading!
Sunday, June 3, 2012
Oh, you must be in heaven! (the early days)
In the very early days of my mama career, I took E to the doctor by myself for the first time. After a few weeks of incredibly painful and unsuccessful breastfeeding, my lactation consultant had recommended I go to the pediatrician to see if E was tongue tied (he wasn't, but that's another story). So, I gathered up the 20 pounds of baby equipment I was carrying around those days and drove my little guy to the doctor (going 35mph and eying every car as a potential enemy, naturally). When I finally got there, they called my name and I had to figure out how to wrangle the aforementioned 20 lbs of stuff and a cranky baby into the exam room without losing it. We were a mess.
In the midst of all this, I saw a woman that I had worked with when I taught second grade. She is really the sweetest woman, so of course she came over and said how good I looked, how cute E was, etc. As we said goodbye, she concluded with, "(happy sigh)- oh you must just be in heaven!"
Huh? Heaven? Was that where I'm supposed to be? While I quickly faked an appropriately motherly response, I couldn't help but think that if I was supposed to be in heaven then I must be doing something very wrong. There were some heavenly moments for sure (during most of which E was sleeping, thank you very much). But the majority of my days were filled with screaming, poop and breastfeeding horrors instead of ethereal moments of peace and joy. Doubt creeped in- were all the other new moms hanging out together in baby heaven? How come nobody invited me?
My friend's well-intentioned comment definitely stuck with me. First, I wondered if E was being less than cherubic because I was making too many mistakes on the job. Then I started wondering if the problem wasn't in my job performance, but in my mama composition. This was much scarier. I worried that I could be missing some crucial ingredient moms had that allowed them to see screaming babies and sleepless nights as heavenly experiences.
As the days went by and E and I learned more about each other, I began to understand the real meaning of my friend's words. My friend is a mom herself, so I'm pretty sure she was not under the delusion that E and I were sitting at home having a nonstop love fest of lullabies, cuddles and serenity. She knew what I was going through was very challenging, but at the time my friend had something that I didn't- perspective. Her girls are older now, so she had already seen firsthand that the doubt, pain and emotions of the early days were completely worth it.
So what has changed that has helped me understand what she meant? Well, E is cuter now and cries exponentially less, which makes the peace and happiness part easier, but I don't think that's it. The big change has come as E's unique, crazy personality has really started to shine through in the past few months. I can kind of see the bigger picture of where he's headed, and this makes it easier for me to put the inevitable low points in perspective. I feel excited when E and I use what we've learned about each other to achieve success where we've previously failed (completing a diaper change without pooping on the wall? Go us!). As I watch him skillfully play his tambourine in music class (or drool on it- same thing), I feel really happy and content (even if he later screams when we have to sing "bye bye" to said tambourine).
I'm also starting to trust myself more. I think I have finally accepted that I can be a good, loving mom while simultaneously counting down the minutes to naptime when E is driving me nuts or thinking, "If I have to read Goodnight Moon one more time, I'm going to impale myself on Sophie the Giraffe." I'm trying not to punish myself for having these thoughts because I'm starting to see that being real about my feelings and actually dealing with them is a really important part of my parenting process. And someday E will need to learn the same lesson, so I like to think I'm just doing my homework here.
Last week, I had to take E to the doctor (he has his first official cold- poor E!). Guess who I saw when we were leaving? The same friend who told me I "must be in heaven" 8 months ago when I felt like I was about to fall apart. Interestingly, she made this comment again and this time I responded, "Yeah, I am." I didn't have to fake the response or even think about it, really. The fun and crazy thought that makes this hard work all worth it is that one day E will be all grown up and (sniff) not even need me all because of what I'm doing right now.
In the midst of all this, I saw a woman that I had worked with when I taught second grade. She is really the sweetest woman, so of course she came over and said how good I looked, how cute E was, etc. As we said goodbye, she concluded with, "(happy sigh)- oh you must just be in heaven!"
 |
| A sleepy Mr. E at 2 weeks old |
My friend's well-intentioned comment definitely stuck with me. First, I wondered if E was being less than cherubic because I was making too many mistakes on the job. Then I started wondering if the problem wasn't in my job performance, but in my mama composition. This was much scarier. I worried that I could be missing some crucial ingredient moms had that allowed them to see screaming babies and sleepless nights as heavenly experiences.
As the days went by and E and I learned more about each other, I began to understand the real meaning of my friend's words. My friend is a mom herself, so I'm pretty sure she was not under the delusion that E and I were sitting at home having a nonstop love fest of lullabies, cuddles and serenity. She knew what I was going through was very challenging, but at the time my friend had something that I didn't- perspective. Her girls are older now, so she had already seen firsthand that the doubt, pain and emotions of the early days were completely worth it.
So what has changed that has helped me understand what she meant? Well, E is cuter now and cries exponentially less, which makes the peace and happiness part easier, but I don't think that's it. The big change has come as E's unique, crazy personality has really started to shine through in the past few months. I can kind of see the bigger picture of where he's headed, and this makes it easier for me to put the inevitable low points in perspective. I feel excited when E and I use what we've learned about each other to achieve success where we've previously failed (completing a diaper change without pooping on the wall? Go us!). As I watch him skillfully play his tambourine in music class (or drool on it- same thing), I feel really happy and content (even if he later screams when we have to sing "bye bye" to said tambourine).
I'm also starting to trust myself more. I think I have finally accepted that I can be a good, loving mom while simultaneously counting down the minutes to naptime when E is driving me nuts or thinking, "If I have to read Goodnight Moon one more time, I'm going to impale myself on Sophie the Giraffe." I'm trying not to punish myself for having these thoughts because I'm starting to see that being real about my feelings and actually dealing with them is a really important part of my parenting process. And someday E will need to learn the same lesson, so I like to think I'm just doing my homework here.
Last week, I had to take E to the doctor (he has his first official cold- poor E!). Guess who I saw when we were leaving? The same friend who told me I "must be in heaven" 8 months ago when I felt like I was about to fall apart. Interestingly, she made this comment again and this time I responded, "Yeah, I am." I didn't have to fake the response or even think about it, really. The fun and crazy thought that makes this hard work all worth it is that one day E will be all grown up and (sniff) not even need me all because of what I'm doing right now.
So, must I be in heaven? Yup, I guess I must :).
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)